Authentic Self

So this week I seem to be inundated with all kinds of things to do with being your authentic self.

I have joined a beautiful course from Rebecca Campbell, she is one of my favourite people in the world, she wrote a book called Light is the New Black. It is really a book for Light workers to come out and shine their light in the world. I read this book last year and really helped me to step out of the closet, it helped me to deal with the fact that I am just a tad different from most people and it helped me deal with the fact that I am on one hell of a spiritual journey and that I choose to do this for myself.

So the course started this week and there are hundreds of women in the group speaking out about who they truly are at Soul level. Speaking up about how they fear the judgement from people out there, their family, their friends and everyone around them.

Then I saw a lovely article yesterday from a lady here in South Africa that also wrote about her journey as a healer and explaining how it all happened for her.

And other discussions during the week with clients and with Soul friends about being your authentic self. My Wednesday Wisdom that came through was about Authentic Self too.

So I am thinking that the Universe maybe wants me to think about this a bit and also write about this a bit.

So it took me quite a while to figure out my Authentic Self. I was not one of those ‘lucky’ people who knew at 14 that I was special and that I was connected with the Universe in some profound way. Nope, not me. I lead an awesome life, travelled, loved, lived and made money and just enjoyed being here on earth.  Until somewhere in my 20s no matter how much nice things I did for other people there was always this weird hole inside, no amount of partying, travelling, wine or hanging out with friends could fill this baby. So I went through huge stuff in my late twenties, bouts of unexplained depression, unhappy marriage, divorce etc etc. But lucky for me I ended up with Rob (thank you Universe) and him giving me space to actually try and be me really worked. I did not have to pretend for the first time in my life, I could actually just be my weird and wacky self with no judgement. He does that really well actually despite his nickname of ‘The Judge’. Then my beautiful boy was born and I started really looking deep inside. Then I met an amazing women who really taught me so much about my spiritual self and about the Universe, I started reading books and exploring and connecting with me. Then I went for my own Akashic Record reading and then I was presented with who I am at Soul level.

I think we all deep inside know who we are, but we LOVE making everyone else happy, making choices that goes against what we want and need – and that is what I realised, for most of my twenties this is what I did, my job, my marriage all of it was for other people, for what I thought would work for them but none of it was what I really wanted. BUT I chose to do this, I chose to do stuff for them and not for me.

And then when I got told who I am through my reading I realised that this might be the problem. I did not align to this, I was not me, I was not that amazing being that was deep inside. I mean I was pretty awesome as a person, don’t get me wrong, I did nice things for people, I was not evil or a serial killer but I was not the real me.  The real me was not suppose to sit there every day and create mobile banking apps for other people alone in front of my PC, writing specs and analysing systems.  The real me was suppose to interact with people, the real me knew how to listen to people and to help them heal. I knew this on a deeper level, considering that everyone was ALWAYS talking to me and sharing their life stories and their pain and their problems. So I guess I should have know but I did not realise that this was sort of my thing, this was what my Soul was crying out to do because it was who I was, who I am!

But alas why listen immediately…. it is much more fun to stay in your comfort zone of good working hours, good pay and good solid routine. But then the Universe always has a much better plan, the Universe invented retrenchment!!! My favourite thing in the whole world (she says sarcastically!). So now that I knew what I had to do and chose not to throw myself into it the Universe decided to see how serious I was and got me full on retrenched after 7 years consulting from home. Nooooooo, my world semi crumbled. It was freaking awful, I was making good money, I had time as I only worked 4 days a week and now it all was going to stop and go away.  So nothing like the rug being pulled out from under your feet.

So it was a HUGE choice, go and find a real job with traffic and 5 days a week 7am to 6pm busy-ness OR try something brand new……

So I chose new and unknown, I chose no idea what the hell I was going to do, I chose fear and I chose uncertainty!

Insane I know, but thank goodness for Rob and his support.

So I started on the biggest journey of my life, I found myself, I found my gifts and I found my connection with the Universe. Here I am today doing past life readings for people, reading Akashic Records, healing people and connecting with my Guides on a daily basis.

The minute I gave up control and let the Universe steer it got easier and this path unfolded for me.
I had to learn that I can not control anything, that I can not choose where this goes but I have to trust.
This does not mean sitting on my butt waiting for things to happen, waiting for clients to walk through the door, waiting to learn new skills and to enhance my intuition and my connection with the Universe.  All of this takes a lot of work and practice, BUT trusting that I will be guided is what got me to this happy place….

So thank you Universe for my journey and for letting me find my Authentic Self!
And thank you husband for backing me all the way – I know he still does not understand all this weird stuff that I do for a living but the strapline in our house for it is – ‘It is weird but it works’.

 

Much love

The Authentic Yolandi xxx

 

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