The Week 19 – Me, Me, Me

I found this today on Facebook and then this just reinforced my whole ‘Authentic Self’ journey.

I think we all forget that despite everyone around us and our relationships that the most important thing really is about how I treat myself.  I have to start with me….

I have to start with loving me enough to set my boundaries, to secure my space first and look after myself. Somehow whilst growing up we lose this very important aspect of our being.  When I look at my little boy and his behaviour, he is really all about himself at this stage, he loves being himself and is very precise about his own needs, and because of this his truly loved by all of us. So at what ages do we all of a sudden go – me second and everyone else first.  I was trying to pinpoint when this happened for me but I find it very hard to remember.

Regardless, of the exact moment, I have recently made a conscious decision to start putting me first again.  I have to bring back the self love, my boundaries and my space. Being a mom, a partner and a healer makes this quite difficult sometimes, but for the first time in ages I am starting to get this right.  And for the first time I am not feeling ‘guilty’ about putting me first, believe me I still struggle and catch myself wondering and sometimes asking if it will be ok. Then I also have to remind myself that Rome was not built in a day – getting myself to 100% is going to take time and ups and downs, but eventually it will once again become part of me.

The wonderful consequence of this choice to start putting me first is that everything in my life seems much better, my relationship with my family, my partner, my clients and myself. It is as if the minute you start loving you, loving the rest of the world just happens.  The wonderful energy of acceptance just seem to radiate outward.  A lot less strive, a lot less stress and a lot less worrying.

So for now, I am loving this new journey.

I AM my most authentic powerful self!

Yours in love
Yolandi xxxx

 

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The Week 18 – Fear Releasing

This week was yet another amazing journey of learning.  I attended a workshop on fear releasing and once again learnt so much.

One of the amazing techniques we used made me think of an hourglass.

First you had to identify what your fear is – i.e. for me I started from the premise of not standing fully in my own power – so I assumed there was some definite fear attached here.

First Part of the Hourglass (I imagined the top of the hourglass):
Start writing as much as you can about how this makes you feel, write whatever come up for you and keep writing and writing.  For me this really opened up a lot of childhood things and fears that was lurking there for a very long time. So I just kept on writing and writing. Write pages if you need to, it is amazing what you come up with.

Second Part of the Hourglass (I imagined the middle of the hourglass):
Reduce the above to a paragraph. So try and summarise what you had written for all those pages into one paragraph – this is about 10 lines.

Third Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this just above the middle of the hourglass):
Reduce the paragraph to a sentence.

Fourth Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this right above the middle of the hourglass):
Reduce the sentence to just one word.  So this for me boiled down to ‘Self Worth’.

Now for the next part of the Hourglass you have to take this negative fear and turn it into a positive. Find a new word and make that your new word.

First Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this right below the middle of the hourglass):
Write down your new word – for me this was ‘Authentic Self’ – my initial issue was one of standing in my power – and for me it boiled down to really living my life as my authentic self as this will also help me with my self worth as I see my authentic self as being powerful and living in integrity!

Second Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this just below the middle of the hourglass):
So start writing your new life – write a sentence about in my case how it will feel to live as my ‘Authentic Self’.

Third Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this as the middle of the bottom of the hourglass):
Now write a paragraph about your new life.

Fourth Part of the Hourglass (I imagined this as the bottom of the bottom of the hourglass):
Go into detail about how awesome this new life and living it will be.  Lots of detail and keep on writing and writing.
This was such an amazing experience, and I could totally feel myself changing my attitude and letting go of the fear.

We also created a decree (something more powerful than a daily affirmation) – mine was ‘I AM my most authentic powerful self’ – to be said 3 times daily and ended off with SO BE IT!

So here is to me embracing this new journey, standing in my power and living as my most authentic self!

Lots of love
Yolandi xxx

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The Week 17 – Blockages

On Friday morning I had such an amazing experience.  On Friday’s we get together at Carol’s (www.soulstruth.co.za) for a morning of meditation and general learning.  This Friday the theme for the morning was blockages and things that might be holding you back.

After a few years of getting to know myself, I have realised that I usually start by showing some physical signs when old ‘stuff’ that I haven’t dealt with comes up.  This week I have been struggling with my throat, scratchy and generally just feeling like something is stuck in it. Initially I thought it is just all the talking I have been doing for readings, but I knew something was up and wanting out, so the session at Carol’s was really just at the right time for me!

So when we started talking about blockages, the first thing that I spoke about was my throat and how I have really been struggling with it. Then all of a sudden the weirdest old memory popped into my head – and I know with me this is always my sub-conscious sending me a signal when these random memories come up.  It was a memory of my 2nd Grade teacher hitting me over the head for doing something wrong.  And in that moment Carol spoke about what it is that made you lose your power and the light bulb went on for me.

I have for years struggled with ‘standing up for myself’ in situations where authority was involved.  I always had this weird sense of feeling utterly powerless and emotional, and most of the time this was really rather unfounded as I am a pretty secure and strong person. For some reason I just always felt like a little girl in these situations and would just feel myself reverting to tears for no good reason.

So unpacking this whole memory then really cleared it all up – so this teacher used to hit us if we did anything wrong and we were never able to stand up and tell her to stop or even go home and complain to our parents as she was super vindictive and things would have been impossible in class for us. I think I was about 7 at this stage.  If you grew up in the 80s in South Africa you would now all about having the crap beaten out of you in school by some teachers, not all of them were like that, but sometimes you got that one!

This all just made so much sense to me – and I was amazed at how this incident formed part of a huge limiting self belief that I had chosen to live with for more than 30 years – The fear of being punished if I speak up and show my power.

So what an AHA moment that was! Well, the great thing was that I have identified the issue, I have now also chosen to step out of that vicious circle and make sure that every time I am confronted by situations with people of authority that I can stand in my own power and don’t have to revert to my 7 year old self. I am allowed to take my power back and deal with confrontational situations in an adult and respectful manner.

And the prospect of a future filled with standing up for myself vs a future where I am the little girl crying in the corner looked much more appealing to me!

So maybe take some time and look at your blockages – what self limiting beliefs are you carrying around and where does this come from? What event in your childhood might have fuelled the fire for this?

Take your power back today!
Yoli xxx

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The Week 16 – Spirit Guides

So I have had such an interesting couple of weeks and it has really felt like things have become a little clearer for me.

I have been on a great search for connection with my spirit guides. In this type of work that I do it is really essential that I totally ‘trust my gut’ when doing readings for clients and since I started working like that it has been amazing. It all links back to the not trying to control stuff and just going with the flow lessons that keep coming up for me.

Last year a close friend berated me whilst doing Reiki on her and told me that I needed to speak what I am ‘hearing’ and ‘feeling’ whilst working on clients.  Since I have started doing that it I am surprised by what comes out my mouth sometimes, but I also know that this is what they need to hear.

I have been looking into channeling and how it all fits together and came across some amazing footage recently, and the main message was – ‘You need to be willing to be a fool for ‘God”.  So whoever your ‘God’ is – and whoever you connect with – that is who you should be trusting no matter how silly you think the things that come up for you might be – you need to speak and share it! And be that fool – say what needs to be said!

It is really all about you trusting and loving yourself enought to give your guides the space to come through and speak the truth. In turn you will then also be able to connect with the guides of your client, their loved ones and anyone else who needs to speak.

I also think the big conclusion for me has been that the minute I started ‘loving’ me more and started trusting me more, it got easier and the listening got way easier.  Once I opened up my heart to the universe everything just got easier and I seem to be walking in my truth more and more.

So maybe this week, become still and ask them to connect, because that is basically all you need to do! Don’t be scared – they are on your team for a good reason and they will be there to guide you along, always ask them to provide you with what is best for your highest good.

Lots of love

Yoli x

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