The Week 2 – Gentle

So following on from last week and ending off with being gentle with yourself, this week’s theme really followed that.  It was a week of giving myself a break, being kinder and more gentle with myself.

I came across the following in a magazine that I was reading this week after completing one of those ‘which one are you’ quizzes. Yes, I know I am that girl, they make those just for me!

After having completed all the questions this was part of the answer I got –
Your problem is perfectionism. Trying to bridge the gap between being good and perfect requires enormous effort on your part and is very stressful. By all means maintain your desire to do well, but re-frame this as an ideal not a rigid requirement for life.  Accept your imperfections with a smile.

So here I am still beating myself up and considering that I am on a mission to stop being so hard on myself, obviously sub-consciously this is STILL happening. But where do I start, what do I actually do to change this obvious pattern of behaviour that I am embracing every day. Well, I have to start somewhere, so I made a big effort this week to every-time the negative self talk started or the judgement started to stop myself and give me a little pep talk. Something else I read earlier this week was about how you need to be gentle, and remind yourself how human you are and how you are allowed to ‘mess up’ or do things to less than perfect standards. And wowzers (as Inspector Gadget would say) – am I tough on me, the amount of times I had to stop and say it is ok, now worries has been rather frightening. But then it really felt like it has started working, it was quite remarkable like a gentle calm that has fallen over me, no more judgements about things not working exactly as I want them to work, more acceptance and in turn A LOT LESS time spent in my head thinking and thinking and thinking about how, where, what etc etc etc.  I seriously feel like a new calmer version of me and things feel a lot easier and less complicated.

It really feels like I am on a path to a more serene me and a more accepting me. This then also reflects in my feelings and behaviour towards others and I see how I am more gentle towards them in turn. Where before I would be harshly judging I now feel like there is a deeper level of empathy surfacing within me.

Well, this is obviously working for me and I am going to a make sure that I get all three parts of my perfect inner triangle to work together – mind, heart and will. I feel like I have buy in for all three, my thoughts are there, my heart wants the change and my actions will drive this.

So here is to another week of learning and reflecting and enjoying this journey of discovery.

Yours in love
Yoli xxx

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The Week 1 – Forgive

So this week has been super hard for me. I have been making huge shifts in my learning and somehow it seems that all the jukkie stuff that I have been keeping in the back of my life closet is now starting to fall onto the floor. I know that we recently had our HUGE SHIFT end of September and that now is the time that all things that you need to deal with is coming up in bucket loads. So it feels like it has all been coming up this week.

So in my closet I still keep a lot of shame for things I did in my younger years, things I did to other people that they did not even know about. We are not talking about me killing people or robbing banks, but just every day stuff that if someone would find out they would probably be very hurt about. So now I keep telling myself that they don’t know so it won’t hurt them…. BUT the problem is that I know and in the last 10 years I have changed soooo much that I am looking back and thinking hey I would NEVER do that now.

So now I have discovered my new magical partner SHAME. Feeling guilty about what happened in the past. And here I have spent the week meditating trying to figure out what I need to do to fix this and this morning I pull a card (you need to know that I LOVE drawing inspirational cards every day, so much so that I have my partner and my boy joining in regularly, it is my guidance and answers for questions, the way my Guides and Angels like to talk to me). So the card was all about dealing with shame (haha I thought dear Guides you know you always need to be straight with me).  And basically in a nutshell it is all about forgiving myself, it is all about realising that I need to stop being so harsh with myself – that this is not the scene as painted in church of me going into hell for the sins I committed. It is all about accepting the fact that at that point in my life it was a choice I made and it was a choice that seemed like the right one for me there and then. Looking at it afterwards I know it wasn’t
but that is also okay.

It is okay to make mistakes and it is okay to learn from them. Otherwise why would we be here.

It has also made me realise that before I decide to take certain steps in my life today I need to sit down and look at the consequences for myself, for my loved ones and for my future. If I now know it can lead to future shame would I do it….  I think not. Therefore I will put this on my little list of things that I have learned and peel off another layer and reveal another bit of beauty.

Obviously, I look back at writing this now, a few paragraphs of rationalisation, but the reality behind this is that this was a whole week of lying awake, crying, feeling sick and tired and just wanting to give up. So don’t let anyone tell you it’s easy, but at least I know now that the lesson is learnt, I will make a conscious choice not to go there again and this gives me hope that I can work through my pile of crap and get out the other side a happier and healthier human being.

We need hope and we need to be gentle with ourselves…. give yourself a break every now and again. It really makes you feel much better.

Yours in love
Yoli xxx

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Hello world!

So how I see it is that we are basically every day taking another little layer off this person that we are all in pursuit of getting to the core of us, our Soul and our true spirit. And this will be an account of my journey to getting there.

I am not sure where I will start but I am sure that once a week I will tell you about my lesson for that week. I feel like I am currently living in weekly themes and I feel that this should be shared with you in my most authentic voice. I have realised looking at other blogs out there that there are many people who has gone through all of this but it feels like no one is documenting how hard it is to go through ‘this growth thing’.

We are all awesome but we go through a heck of a lot to get and maintain this state. So I think I need to share this, as I am sure out there are many of you who are also journeying and who needs to not feel alone. So I will share my story and hopefully what I learn every week will resonate with you and you will see the little light at the end of the tunnel and you will realise that it is all worth it, every hard second, every tear and every moment of feeling that you want to give up is really worth it, because in the end once all those layers are off I will discover my Truth.

And the one thing I am realising is that every time I take a little piece off I am just turning into a more beuatiful and loving being, turning into more of the best I can be. I know and I see every day that I am suppose to know and feel this about myself, but hey this is a journey and you don’t just walk into it the perfect being, loving yourself and being all Zen about it.

It is difficult but I promise you it gets easier. You just have to believe and find a picture in your head of your most awesome you.

So just a little note here – I love to say ‘so’ when I write, so 😉 get used to it as it will be there a lot….

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